Wednesday, November 11, 2009

It's a party! Of tea!

There is now an official Tea Party in Florida, or perhaps I should say there is a Tea Party party. Right? I mean, if it was just "The Tea Party," that would imply that it is a party primarily concerned with tea, whereas this is actually a party that sprung from tea parties.

Needless to say, I think this is awesome. It's like the Republican party's version of what Ralph Nader was for the Democratic party in 2000, only 10 times worse because they actually have significant traction (as compared to Nader's ability to spoil with 0.38% of the vote).

Until last week, many towns in New York's 23rd district had not had a Democratic representative since the 1850's. The current rep was a moderate Republican named Dede Scozzafava. Upset by her failure to be conservative enough, the political activist group Fox News, spearheaded by "tea party" pusher Glenn Beck, helped to promote the much righter wing Doug Hoffman as a challenger to Scozzafava.

Long story short, Scozzafava dropped out of the race but then flipped Fox News the middle finger by endorsing Bill Owens, the Democrat in the race. And that's how the district got its brand new Democratic representative, who went on to vote for the new health care bill.

So I wish the Tea Party party much luck in replicating their great success far and wide as they attempt to eliminate more Republicans who are not far enough to the right. In fact, I am so cheered by this development that I think somebody should throw a Tea Party party party.

Monday, November 09, 2009

I attempt to invent a joke

Don't hate me, I'm just trying it out...

Frodo Baggins is chatting with Treebeard. He says, "You know, I've always wondered. You ents are basically walking trees, right? I'm just curious, do you, ah... bear fruit?"

Treebeard responds, "Yes, actually, we do sprout fruit seasonally. In fact, I've got a sample right here."

Frodo takes the fruit, which looks very much like an apple, and says "Wow. Is it edible?" Treebeard assures him that it is, so Frodo talks a big bite. "Wow!" he cries. "This is the best thing I've ever eaten! Why, if I could take some of this back to the Shire, I could make a fortune!"

Treebeard says, "Well, we ents have no use for the fruit, so we just toss the stuff on a communal pile after it's ripe. You're welcome to take as much as you like."

Excited, Frodo grabs up an armload and hauls it back to his hovel. For days he tests out various concoctions to maximize the flavor, until he finally settles on a blend of juice mixed with special hobbit spices that tastes fantastic.

He rushes out to find somebody to test it on, and runs into Aragorn. "Hey!" he cries. "You have to try this stuff!" Aragorn takes a tentative sip. "That's not bad," he says thoughtfully. "What is it?"

Frodo says enthusiastically "It comes from the fruit of ents! I haven't settled on a price yet, but if you offer me something of value, I could give you a whole jug right now!"

Hearing that, Aragorn whips out his sword and points it directly at Frodo's throat. "Sorry Frodo, but I'm going to have to place you under arrest."

"What? Arrest?" says Frodo, surprised and frightened. "Whatever for???"

Aragorn replies... "For ent cider trading."

End note: In the interest of full disclosure, you can blame Kingdom of Loathing for the punchline. I just thought it needed a longer setup.

Friday, November 06, 2009

This one goes out to all my high school friends

Hey guys, remember back in the 80's when you used to listen to the radio, and hear old fogeys play music from the 50's, and reminisce about the good old days, and you would laugh about how out of touch they were? Yeah, good times.

This morning as I drove to work, I heard the guys on the local morning show rocking out to Van Halen, Aerosmith, and music from Rocky and Top Gun. Then in between each song they would talk about the 80's and laugh amongst themselves.

So my first thought was: "Ha ha, listen to those guys talk longingly about the music of days gone by. They sound OLD." My second thought was: "Man, this music is awesome. I sure do miss it."

This is a couple of months too early, but welcome to the two thousand tensies! If you were born in the 1970's like me, this will be the fifth decade you have witnessed. Enjoying yourself?

I used to own a whole bunch of Bloom County books, and I remember a plot sequence where Binkley had a dream about his future as a middle aged man. The year in his dream was... somewhere around 1996. Face it folks, we're now living in The World of Tomorrow!!!

I'm tagging this in a note to all my Facebook friends who went to high school with me. If you have been on my list but we haven't talked in a while, feel free to leave a comment on this post or the FB link and let the old gang know how you're doing.